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Migraine Musings ...

Migraine Musings ...

I don't quite know where or how to start this piece but I feel so compelled to write it.  I have seen other pages lose page followers by the gazillions after they have shared something deep, personal and well... opinionated... About their own experience and I have sat reading with wide mouth shock at the comments that the so now named "trolls" like to leave.  But I have had a personal brEAKTHROUGH and I want to document it!  Emphasis on the "EAK" by the way.  So, as I wrote this in my pajama’s, of which I do not know when I put them on as I have had nothing but these on my body for what feels like a month, here goes.

I used to wonder about "people who got migraines" until I started getting them myself.  Like what are they "a bad headache that means you have to lay down?". But No, let me tell you.

First, they blind you, with a pain in both temples that you would swear is a vice placed upon your head.  Then they nauseate you to the point where you can almost predict that you are going to throw up another 40 minutes from now, every hour, on the hour, for eternity. 

Now in the past I had easy over the counter access to this wonderful thing called codeine.  And I would take the prescribed amount and I would "take to my bed" and I would mostly sleep, and in a haze, I would occasionally throw up, but I would get up and take some more and go back to bed.  I would do this until I felt the migraine had passed and life would resume.

But things change.  The opioid crisis when you have a migraine simply means you don’t have anything to take.  Yes, I have a prescription, but going outside in my pajama’s with my eyes closed because the world is too bright for me and trying to be polite in the pharmacy when I just want someone to remove my head, “fix it" and then put it back on so it fits comfortably, just cannot happen.

I have an Ouch

So, yesterday was Day 1.  Life stopped.  No working, no reading, can't focus my eyes, no yoga, downward dog would feel like a burst aneurysm in my brain, of this I'm sure, not showering because well, having to stand in a confined space and well, miserable.  And I have Panadol.  Great for a fever.  Does absolutely nothing to touch the pain of a migraine.  Doesn't put me to sleep so I can "sleep it out".  Basically, woman, you are on your own.  And like the "Soup Nazi" in that famed Seinfeld episode there will be "no relief for you!"

I literally lay (awake) on my bed, reading the odd sentence of a book and alternating between thinking about food and what I wish someone would bring me, and how it was one of the nicest days outside in weeks, and I was spending it with my curtains closed, in my pajama’s, quite literally doing nothing except going to the bathroom to throw up.

I've had moments where I've wondered what day it is, have I been here so long that entire days or weeks may have passed?  One thing I do when I’m stressed out is that I write lists.  Lists of things I need to do.  For example, clean the bathroom, use the food in the fridge before it rots, make items for my business.  But my brain fogs and jumbled with a migraine and I am going to be honest here, it feels like someone else is thinking in there.  I can't even envisage a pen and paper let alone writing a list! And this is the first time I've experienced this because usually Mr. Codeine would have me asleep by now and the only thought I would have to worry about was if rolling over might make me throw up again.

 That was Day 1.  A day of my life lost as far as I can tell.  So, when I wake up this morning I open my eyes just a little and WHAM I must throw up because migraine says so.  Oh hello, it's Day 2 of migraine.  In the past I would simply feel very groggy from the Codeine but I would have some semblance of a day.  Sure, I would feel like I had a hangover and I may need an afternoon nap but I would at least be able to clean the kitchen.  To make at least some part of my house look like a functioning adult, who isn't obsessed with glitter, lives here.

Oh No, not you, again

But Satan had other plans, brush teeth, vomit, don't pass go anywhere but back to bed.  I have a profoundly serious stomach issue at the moment and I considered taking an anti-inflammatory, anything to stop the pain in my head.  But throwing up on a raw stomach something that literally eats into your stomach just made me vomit at the thought.  Literally.  So, I settled in to day 2 of my migraine.  "Rest up" were texts I got from my well-meaning (but clearly non-migraine suffering) friends as there is no rest during a migraine.  Not this time, this time was my first fully conscious, "no codeine for you" migraine.  I mean seriously, how long can your head and eyes feel like that without an implosion?

Then 4:30pm.... The cat starts meowing.  And when I say meowing, she has clearly been out, bought an amplifier and a Madonna stage set up to announce she would like her dinner. Now. Very Now.  As I awake, I realise I must have managed a little sleep.  I gingerly sit up.  And I do NOT spin or spew.  OMG, I open my eyes and I can MOVE them, I can even ROLL them without wanting to throw up. 

I put on a pair of slippers as with two animals and no housework for what feels like eternity (the vacuuming still not done) my floors are well... Ugly,  not unlike my no washed, still in PJs body odour ugly, most likely. 

I go to the fridge and open it and I am not confronted by the sight of the fridge lights, OMG, this is the first time I think.... Has my migraine passed?  Is it over? Has the entity that has taken over my life, left the building.  Is there HOPE?

I feed the cat... Then its the dogs turn which does involve bending over to pick up his bowl (yesterday headrush and nausea, today.... Bowl in hand and steady!)

OMG, look at me, nurturing mother feeding her furbabies! 

Thank God, it's over!

So, here I am, I'm migraine free.  It's gone.  Sad that Im still in my PJs and slippers but actually feeling highly motivated for shower, clean hair and fresh bedding !  And OMG to wake up tomorrow morning with the full day ahead at MY service.  I might even actually make it to my beloved Beach Yoga! 

The aim is to not try and do everything I had planned to do over the past 30 days (ok, so it's really only 2) in the one day tomorrow.   But I am migraine free, pain free, nausea free and well I'm actually codeine free and no "migraine drug hangover".  Apparently "this too shall pass" applies to migraines without the need for opioids... Who knew???

And if anyone had said this to me yesterday, and I had any energy whatsoever to slap them, then I would have, its "onwards and upwards"!